Screaming in Darkness

Standing in the middle of a dark room

No lights

No sounds

Only me!

I begin to scream

Letting out frustrations 

Anger

Sadness

All these emotions 

These feelings bottled up

I clench my fists

Force them to my side

I keep screaming 

In this dark room

I scream til I can’t no more

I collapse to my knees 

My hands fall in front of me

Placed on the cold ground

Head bowed

I begin to sob

The warmth of the tears stream down

My eyes begin to sting from crying so hard

My voice going raw

I have so much more

More emotions 

Feelings

Anger 

Frustrations 

All still deep inside me

The tears slow to a trickle

My cheeks flushed

I am beyond overwhelmed 

Everyone telling me how I should feel 

Somehow I overreacted 

Overreacted by these tears

By me screaming

I shouldn’t feel these

Yet, I’m in a dark room

With no lights

Now the only sound is coming from me

The darkness tries and forces it way in

Like the demons that it carries 

All I want to do 

Tilt my head back

Scream some more

Breathing through the Bees

 I am hard to love some days

I overthink

I have anxiety 

At times I think you don’t like me

Everyday I fight

I fight battle within myself

To stay alive

To calm my mind

To remember to breathe

Some days breathing is challenge

I can’t catch my breath

When the anxiety kicks in

And the overthink starts

The bees begin to buzz

My mind is never quiet

My mind has to keep going

It has to sing a song

Think of tomorrow

Think about why is next

All trying to be a good mother

Somehow I feel like I fail

I fail because I get so busy

I forget to breathe

The bees is like a hive in my head

The noise is so loud

That I can’t stand myself

Then I remember that phone call I was supposed to make

The call to the doctors

Now it’s too late

Somehow I have to remember tomorrow

Making notes all over doesn’t help

That gets buried by more notes

Then the phone rings

Or a text comes through

Oh wait?!? What was I doing?

That’s right I was working over here

Completely forgetting about that note I needed to write 

I need to remember to breathe

If I don’t breathe 

My relationship will fail

My friends will hate me

I am not good enough 

Oh wait I hear the buzzing

Did hear what was said

I’m not doing a good enough job

Not being a good parent

I suck at being a friend

Remember to breathe

As I keep trying to breathe

My mind keeps buzzing

The spirals of words gets jumbled

The thoughts get mixed up

Now I don’t know what is what

STOP!!!

JUST BREATHE DAMNIT

You need to focus

Hear your breath

Check your lungs

Make sure they fully getting air

Hold the air

Now, breath out

You got this!

Remeber you need to breathe

Ignore the bees

Even in the hives

The bees can be calm