Rope

Closed eyes

The floor beneath my knees

Hands on my thighs

I breathe in

Release slowly the air I took in

A soft touch on my shoulder

Someone behind me

Now matching my position 

I breathe in

Release slowly

A arm wraps around my chest

I grab the forearm 

As I am pulled back

Back meets chest

I breathe in

Release

Whispers in my ear

Sounds of familiarity 

For I know what’s to come

Breathing in deep

I prepare for what’s next

Eyes still closed

The softness of nylon brushes my skin

Tilting my head back further on your chest

Breathing in the moment 

Matching my breath with yours

You hold my wrists

Press the nylon against them

Pull back towards you

Breaking the bond

Beginning the work of an artist 

On an empty canvas 

You begin to paint this picture 

The medium is nylon

Breathing in

Matching you

Keeping steady

I begin to fall

In this bliss

I feel myself flying

No longer aware

Enjoying the flight

Eyes still closed

My body on the floor

I am flying

The flight slows down

Feel of nylon brushing my skin

My arms

Chest

Wrists

Every bit of me feels a softness 

You bring me to your chest

My back meets you

Holding me tight

Breathe in

Slowly 

Breathe out

TW: I Was 13

 I have a friend they said

I come out

Watch a basketball game

I sit on the bench

Waiting to introduced

I was 13 years old

We hit it off

Started to date

Things were fine

But we’re they?

He was 15

Pool sticks

Darts

Swimming pools

No matter where I went I wasn’t safe

I didn’t know that

Pushed against the wall

With water around me

Him not letting me go

Trying to push

I was stuck

He is now 16

The touching

The pool sticks

The darts

His friends

It just gets worse

I didn’t know

How could I?

I was 13

The Doorway

Standing in the doorway

Arms out stretches

Each hand on the frame 

Staring at me

I back at you

I try and get around

You block my move

I try again

You block me again

I back up

Looking around

Another doorway

Blocked

Nowhere to go

He is still standing there

Each hand on the frame

His arms stretched wide

He moves

Acts like he is going to move

Time passes

Seconds 

Minutes

Finally he moves a hand

Now another

I’m waiting for him to move

Maybe a way to push past

He finally lets me go

Out of the room

I go across the room

To a path I can escape

I look out the window 

To process what happened

Was he going to hurt me

I don’t know

This wasn’t the first time

Fear would come over

TW: Your Hands Around Me

I feel your fingers griping my skin

with your palm against my trachea 

applying pressure and not caring

I can feel each finger as it gets tighter and tighter

my fingers grab your thumb.

trying to pull it off

your fingers getting tighter and tighter

pointer

middle

ring

pinky

feeling the pressure build

I keep trying to pull

the more I pull the more your grip on

the more you grip the more I pull

I struggle to keep a keep a grip

the world has no sound now

the world goes quiet

I see gray and then black cover my eyes

it's pitch black

for how long, I do not know

seconds

minutes

I do not know

Screaming

I hear screaming

the world is still black

my hands are still gripping

trying to pull this hand off of me

I finally can see

the world around me

this man, that I thought, I knew 

was still over me

hand gripped around me

The screaming he heard

He backed off then

Was he trying to kill me

Was he just having fun

Only he can answer that

I look in the mirror

pointer

middle

ring

pinky

His fingers left on my skin

I didn't know how to hide

how to hide what happened

the day I blacked out

was it the day I almost died?