Regret

 Do you regret me

Do you regret meeting me

Collaring me

Loving me

Do you wish that those wounds 

you opened stayed closed

Maybe you regret just letting me

Loving you

Breathing life into you

Do you regret our friendship 

The way you were my constant 

Always showing up

Picking up the pieces 

Of a person who was shattered

Do you regret putting me back together 

Maybe you should have kept me in pieces

Maybe you’d be better off

Do you regret us

Regret everything about us

Regret the calls

The videos

Everything 

I know I don’t 

I hope you don’t either

I can’t tell anymore

Not right now

For I am lost

Not finding my way 

Hoping I’m not lost forever

In your world of regret

I Thought I Was Enough

 I thought everything was fine

Now I don’t know

Your world is changing

Faster than I’d like

You act like you don’t care

As I worry about us

Watch your world turn in chaos

Trying to figure out

If an us still exists 

After this world calms down

I don’t know anymore

You act like you want to give up

I don’t think you really do

Whatever she wants

Seems to go

What you or I want

Falls to the ground

Smashed into pieces

A dream I once had

Feels like it’s out of reach

Words I have heard before

Words of I won’t give up

I want you

I choose you

When things get tough

I am no longer chosen

Left by the side of the road

Staring off as you drive

Hoping you’d turn around

Your choice was made

Your love for me not enough

I pray this is not so

I want to be chosen

Over and over and over again

I want to believe there is a chance

There will always be an us

Despite what my gut says

I have to trust you

Believe in you

For this long you have chosen me

Is it enough

No matter what life throws at you

Am I enough to keep choosing

God I hope so

I want to be enough

Insecurities

 Why does the past haunt me

It doesn’t make sense

The most weird times

There is a trigger

Maybe a sound

Even a smell

My thoughts go running

I want to question the person I love

Feeling insecure about everything

Floods me 

I fight the rising waters

I try to tread and keep my head above

Not let my sink

What if he lied

Just like everyone else

I am just stupid to believe

I know he wouldn’t hurt me

Do I really know

It’s a man that lives so far away

The trust is based on words and actions

Learning to read tone

That’s just it

The tone shakes

The thoughts he has stays buried deep

I feel so lost

Because I can’t help calm his mind

Just like all the others 

The words that escape

I feel only bring more pain

Flooding of more words

Drowning 

Fighting

Pretending everything is ok

Instead I fight

Fight the only way I know

Push 

Keep pushing

Brat out

It’ll be fine

The thoughts will settle

They always do

I have to believe 

No reason for me to 

My love has to prevail

His does too

The deep insecurity 

Continues to fall into the deep blue

No light can shine

Hopes it all ends

Truth will finally show

It has too, right