The Waterfall

 I feel this swelling inside

I close my eyes and concentrate 

I try and not to feel

Yet my eyes begin to wet

I continue to fight

I swallow hard

For I can’t let people see

Yet a drop escapes

A single drop of water

Rolls down my down cheek

I fight the urge for more to come

This waterfall I feel deep inside

Wants to flood the banks

With nothing to stand in its way

Only to be stopped

Maybe if I open my eyes 

I can stop it 

I open my eyes

The water hits the edge of the banks

I close my eyes once again

I can’t let the waterfall flow

Another drop

For if the waterfall is allow to flow

Then what does that say

That the banks are weak

They too soft

Maybe the water will be too much

Flood the whole place

I can’t have flood

Another drop

Damnit

What do I have to do

To stop this damn from breaking 

The damn that is buried deep

With water flowing over it

Water reaching the edge 

The waves crashing

I can fill it

The water building behind the damn

I can’t let the damn crash

If I do

What does that say or mean

I blink hard to fight the urge 

The water slowly streams down

Over the valley 

A continuous flow

The water so warm

With the damn broken

The bank overfilled

The valley is now flooded

The waterfall is flowing

I open my eyes

The waterfall does not stop

It continues 

Faster

Heavier

Never stopping

Felling the world crumble

Yet it’s healing

It’s releasing the overflow

Because that’s what waterfalls do

The Jar

 I hold you in my hand

A circular spear

Clear 

Nothing inside

Nothing on the outside

Just an object I am holding 

I see a lid

I take it off

I realize that was the beginning 

A dark cloud forms inside

No sounds

Anxiety

Depression

All go in first

Overthinking

Anger

Frustration 

Soon follows

I feel a small breeze

My hair blowing around me

Tears welling up 

I put them in the black cloud

Everything

All my feelings

Emotions

I feel 

Are placed in this container 

The more I put in

The more the wind whirls around me

I struggle to close the lid

Snap

The wknd stops

I look at the container

Darkness fills this container

Memories

Emotions

Things I can’t feel

I shouldn’t feel

I look up 

I see you

Your hands around mine

As they are this container

Our eyes locked

You open it up slowly

Tears

I feel the warmth 

Water streaming down my face

Anger

My cheeks are getting hotter

As they burn

One by one

You let them out

Making me feel

Reminding me

This is ok

Your hands around mine

Protecting me

You close the container

I fall to the ground

You set it down beside you

Pull me into your arms

Hold me tight

Kiss my forehead

Until another day

It’s Ok

 I hear myself saying I am too much

I have smothered you 

With my words

The way I act

I feel like I am a burden 

Being told I’m co-depending

Only to pull inward more

Tell you everything is fine

You look at me

Tell me I’m ok

I can trust you

Be open with you

All I hear is the voices in my head

Telling me that I’m not good enough

Good enough to be open

If I am open

I am now too much

I am too negative 

Feelings of insecurity creep up

Hearing words of anger

Only they don’t escape your mouth

I feel the unimportant 

Only to see you gave up on me

I have to open my eyes

I need to see the truth

Someone standing there

Arms stretched

Reminding me it’s ok

All I can do is remind them

Who I am

I overthink when I am scared

Overwhelmed 

Insecure 

Feeling like I was just abandoned 

Those feelings don’t just go away

I hear a person telling me to stop

Stop talking about the past

Telling me stay quiet

Not ask questions 

Move on without a word

Only to see that the voice is in my head

A dark memory

That was buried in my head

Reminding me

That love beats the negative 

The thoughts that are runnings deep

My back is covered

No matter how I turn

I have you

I always have

The Birthday Cake

 You asked for a cake

I said I’d take care of it

You asked for a cake

I said I get one

You asked if you got one

I said that I did

You said someone should have bought it

I said I did

Why did it matter

I said I had a cake for you

You went to buy another

I said I bought you a fucking cake

Yet it wasn’t good enough

Was it not the right flavor

Was it not the right icing

I do not know

I got you gift

You acted surprised 

Like I wouldn’t have gotten one

What kind of person am I

If I didn’t do such a thing

When I said I drove to get you items

You said I didn’t have too

Yet the night before

You insisted you had certain things

How is it

That what I did wasn’t good enough

Why wasn’t it

No matter what I did

No matter how I tried

You complained

Acted like you didn’t care

It’s hard to do things

When I get criticized 

Told I can’t do it right

This just shows

I am not good enough

Not even for you