My Breath

 

I want to hyperventilate

say I am not ok

my chest wants to tighten

feel like I can’t breathe

anxiety and panic is filling me

with every turn I take

nowhere to turn 

Just want to feel safe from this world

When I look around me

The more my breath gets shallow

I look up

How can i still be breathing

Pressure builds 

As my chest gets tighter

My breath grows quicker

I need it to slow

I have no clue how

Needing to run away

Only collapsing

Needing to scream

No sounds escape

What breath I have left 

Grows faster

More shallow

I want to scream for help

Shout I am not okay

I can’t get these words out

Which makes me not breathe

How do I breathe

In this world

That is vastly coming after me

With a force of a comet

No way to stop it

Trying to get a breath in

To only fail

Before another gasp escapes my lips

Holding on to what I have left

This can’t last forever

Nothing ever does

Holding on for another moment

Waiting for the impact

My chest begins to loosen

I begin to breath again

My breath starts to return 

I feel like me again

Tears in My Soul

 I wipe my face

As more tears begin to flow
Only deep within
For you are buriedI feel you crying deep inside
My heart aches
You feel such pain

You no longer feel free
Nor do you feel safe
Feel the arms around you
Let them love you

Let the tears fall free
Let them escape
Once you do
You’ll no longer in pain
Stop hiding me

My soul wipes you away
Aching and burying you
For I can’t hold on no more
They can no longer escape

My soul cries out
Only deep within me
My soul looks out the window
To only see pain

See how far you have gone
Allow me to cry out
Allow me to escape
Allow me to be free
Stop hiding me

For you are ok

Written: March 2017

Woodland Creature

 Dark trees surround me

In an open field
As I sit all alone
In the darkness

I look up at the moon and stars
Wishing
Hoping
Something would come save me
Nothing ever comes

The cold wind blows
As I sit with my wrapped
Around my legs
Holding tight with my face buried

Tear drops begin to fall
Landing on the cold ground
I hear each tear as it lands
The sadness of my heart
Can be heard

With silent tears
Something in the distant hears
A woodland creature
Walks out slow

With a buried head
I do not see
I just feel the nose
Trying to nudge me

The creature wants me to look up
See what he is
All i know is the fur is soft
And i just latch on
Hugging so tight

The creature leans in
Nose nuzzled close
Loving me
Caring for me
Kissing my tears away

Maybe I will be able to
Look up and see
Just who this creature is
That only comes to the night

Written: March 2017

Be Honest

 Why is it hard to be honest

Do you enjoy the lies

The ones you tell

Do you love to keep secrets

Do you enjoy hurting people

No?!

They why

 

You say you want to trust

Then you play games.

You want friends

One sided really

Doesn't it work both ways

You, you don't talk

 

You cause pain

Hurt

You take away trust

Then I believe your lies

 

I begin to think its me

What did I do

Tell me

Were you scared

Put off

Was I to blunt

 

Be honest

Just be honest

Please

It won't hurt

 

Not telling me hurts more

You saying nothing

Isn't being honest

Just stop the games

Stop the lies

Just be honest

Written in 2017

Castle Wall

 i feel the army inside

working as fast as they can

repairing the wall

the one

one that fell

 

they find the stronger clay

to make sure it holds

for they don't want to

repair this no more

 

the heaviness inside

is the hammering

slapping of clay

and the running of their feet

 

they hear the horn blow

from the tower above

they know they must

work quickly

before the castle shuts down

 

the army of men

work faster and harder

making the clay by hand

 

they form the bricks

and slab them together

for time is running out

 

they hustle and bustle

with sweat pouring down

they see the clay hardening

for they know their almost done.

Written in 2017

Darkness

 The darkness around me

The cold wind blowing

The fallen leaves crunching

My hair in my face

 

I stand on a beaten path

With my arms wrapped around

I look up in the night sky

to see if I can find the moon

 

I hear the howling of the wolves

and the whooing of the owls

the caws of the crows

For I realize that I am

in a dark place

 

I feel the warmth of blood

running down my arms

wondering what happened

 

Then I noticed that my fingers

have claws

and they have dung in deep

For I did not feel the pain

that I had become numb

 

The darkness has consumed me

the lies I believe

The rumors being spread

are the ones I begin to receive

 

Will this ever go away

will I ever see that light

Right now I am consumed

by a beaten path in the dark

Written Around 2017

Destroyed Me

 I stop and I stare

Looking at you
Wondering what is next
Wondering if you freaking care

Your actions
Your tone
Your words
Are very fake
You damaged me
Broke me
Destroyed me
Buried me so deep

You silenced my soul
You told her not to speak
You told her she doesn’t matter
You told her she isn’t worthy
You told her so many things

She now believes you
How much more damage
Can she endure
She just looks at you
Smiling down at her
Laughing

You stand above me
Your hand above me
Pushing me down
Telling me to stay
Telling me to be
Don’t even exist

She is laying there
On the ground
With the darkness over her
With your laughter haunting her

You damaged her
Destroyed her
Buried her
Silenced her
With just your words
You tell me I am no one
I am worth nothing

Nothing to you or anyone
The words sting
You laugh
You smile
You no longer care
You only matter
No one else

For you have buried me
Silenced my soul
Damaged me beyond repair
Destroyed every ounce that was left

Written: 9/13/17