Object

 I want feel something

Anything

Yet I want to be numb

Feeling mother

All at the same time

I want feel wanted

Loved

Something

Falling into bad habits

My way of coping

Out it goes

One pic , two, three

Gradually getting sexier

Making the person wanting more 

Feeling something

Out goes another

And another

But is this me

Am I trying to cope

Trying to numb

Still trying to feel

Becoming an object of someone’s pleasure

Knowing the outcome 

Filling their desires

Ignoring mine

Not sure the accomplishment I’m after

What attention am I seeking

Validation

Feeling worthy

Wanted

I don’t know

I am an object now

To someone’s game

I am playing into it

I crave something

But what

Wolf

 I see you wolf

Sitting in the distance 

Scared to get close

Watching from afar

Pretending I don’t see

I see you walking

Circling me

Sniffing the air

Trying to see if I am safe

You keep your eyes locked

As you lay down 

Watching closely 

I sit down with you

Not close to touch

Smiling and waiting

Telling you it’s ok

You inch a little closer

Cautious of this human

Afraid to get hurt

Maybe a dagger will come down

Watching my hands

Eyeing every movement 

Another inch

Another

Another

I slowly lay down

Meeting you almost nose to nose

Not breaking eye contact

Staring into the blue depths

Your fur so silky smooth

One more inch

I lay my hand in front

Sniffing

Before you you lick the top

Making sure it’s ok

Slowly I scratch your ears

Reminding you that you are safe

It’s ok to lay here

Curling up in front

You close your eyes

Try and rest awhile 

One More

One more breath 

One more heartbeat

One more word

Is all I want

More conversations

More laughter

The way you were

Before you got sick

For I held your hand

Looking at you 

With tears streaming down my face

Begging for one more

Just another heartbeat

Another breath

Even another word

Begging and pleading with the nurses

To find what I was looking for

Screaming no 

When time of death was called

One more please

Begging them to keep looking

For just one more

Nothing to find

For you went home

As your seven minutes played

Your mom met you at the door

Just one more

Just one more 

Not Perfect

 Im sorry I am not perfect

I wish I was

I am sorry I am not enough

Words leave my mouth

Before I can stop them 

I wish things were different

You’d just take me as I am

Yet I feel like I am tossed aside

Once again by someone I loved

I know that’s not your meaning

Somehow i feel it’s true

My words I shared

Did put this wedge

That was never meant to be there

God I wish I was perfect

If I was maybe you’d take me

Tell me I am yours

Yet I feel your hands on my chest

Pushing me away

Telling me to go

Stop living in a fairytale 

Maybe I am doing just that

Living in a fantasy

Where I thought

I was perfect

At least for you

Now

I feel like I lost

This battle I wish I’d won