I am sitting here
Trying to write
Get these thoughts out of my head
Yet they keep swirling around
No clue to how to stop
All I hear is how I am not enough
The feeling of being so unworthy
Is sweeping over me
My head starting to pound
With every feeling
In the waking hours
With not enough sleep
To compensate the agitation
No matter how hard I try
It’s just not enough
Keep trying
I try and try some more
There goes that bar
Higher and higher
TIL I am jumping to reach it
Still not accessing it
Feeling incapable
Unworthy
Such a failure
The words screaming in my head
You are not enough
It will never be
I take the rags and the mop
Clean til I can’t no more
Told I have to clean some more
It’s not good enough
Hearing it’s just not acceptable
The words flood over me again
That I am not enough
No matter how hard I try to survive
I am holding on by a thread
I have no strength left
Sure as hell no fight
The world is beating me down
With every foot forward
Being shoved back
You are not enough
I scream that I am
People surround me
Telling me how it’s not enough
Keep fighting
Keep cleaning
Keep obeying
Be a good girl
Be a good submissive
Not following such simple tasks
Just makes to be not enough
Life being complicated and chaos
Feeling of being alone
With only a couple you can trust
Even then
Am I enough
Was everything I am doing enough
Feeling like a crappy friend
Don’t know how to supervise
Do better
Be better
Push harder
Succeed higher
Again those words haunt me
That it’s just not enough
I am not enough
Honestly
I don’t know if will
Those who were with me in person
Embarrassed of me
Hiding me as if I was a disease
Never being enough for them
Being compared to those around me
Saying they made it
You should too
As if I am not even trying
Try harder I hear
Be better they say
Not enough their tone scream
They are right
I am not enough
No matter how hard I try
It never will be.
