Never Enough

 I am sitting here

Trying to write

Get these thoughts out of my head

Yet they keep swirling around

No clue to how to stop

All I hear is how I am not enough

The feeling of being so unworthy

Is sweeping over me

My head starting to pound 

With every feeling

In the waking hours

With not enough sleep

To compensate the agitation

No matter how hard I try

It’s just not enough

Keep trying

I try and try some more

There goes that bar

Higher and higher

TIL I am jumping to reach it

Still not accessing it

Feeling incapable

Unworthy

Such a failure 

The words screaming in my head

You are not enough

It will never be

I take the rags and the mop

Clean til I can’t no more

Told I have to clean some more

It’s not good enough

Hearing it’s just not acceptable

The words flood over me again

That I am not enough

No matter how hard I try to survive

I am holding on by a thread

I have no strength left

Sure as hell no fight

The world is beating me down

With every foot forward 

Being shoved back

You are not enough

I scream that I am

People surround me

Telling me how it’s not enough

Keep fighting

Keep cleaning

Keep obeying 

Be a good girl

Be a good submissive 

Not following such simple tasks

Just makes to be not enough

Life being complicated and chaos

Feeling of being alone

With only a couple you can trust

Even then

Am I enough

Was everything I am doing enough

Feeling like a crappy friend

Don’t know how to supervise

Do better

Be better

Push harder

Succeed higher

Again those words haunt me

That it’s just not enough

I am not enough

Honestly

I don’t know if will

Those who were with me in person

Embarrassed of me

Hiding me as if I was a disease 

Never being enough for them

Being compared to those around me

Saying they made it

You should too

As if I am not even trying

Try harder I hear

Be better they say

Not enough their tone scream

They are right

I am not enough

No matter how hard I try

It never will be.