I want to tell you I am fine
Inside I am screaming
I have to pretend
Force my tears down
Every time I turn around
I feel the heat rising
My hand ball up
I stop myself
Just before my fist hits the wall
I scream loud with frustration
As a sound almost of roar
Maybe a growl escapes these lips
My vocals are sore
From pushing things down
Screaming so loud
I don’t want you to worry
I am fine
At least that’s what I keep saying
If I say it enough
Maybe I’ll just believe it
The hurt of the day
The overwhelming feeling floods me like tsunami
Tries to wash me back out
My hands clawing at the powdery sand
I just scream some more
The feeling of being told
You are nobody
How that stings
Maybe I deserve that
Maybe I am just that
A nobody
For I am a girl with no name
At least that’s what I come to believe
I keep telling you I am fine
As I walk around this world
It spins around me
I stand in place
Time passing me by
I no longer have concept of such things
For it’s never standing still
I am fine I told you
Why don’t you believe me
Is it because my eyes glasses over
Maybe the redness in my cheeks
Is it caused I snapped at you
All the above tells you I am fine
My eyes are red
They look like glass
For those who see me
Know what is hiding
See the pain buried deep within
Maybe they’ll see I am not fine
If I say I am not
I have to buckle up
Move on
Believe other people
Look at the source
Stop letting them get to me
How can that happen
When your trained this way
I am fine
When the memories of a hand on my throat
Sirens blaring in my ears
That’s not what bothers me
No one cares to listen
Maybe I’m not worth hearing
For if I was
Maybe they’d see me
Hear me
When I joke about drinking poison
It’s just a thought I joke
I’ll never act
There goes my ideations again
Screaming from behind
Pounding on the glass
Wanting to escape
I am fine, right?
I have to be
No one cares if I am not
I am alone in this world
Fighting a battle I already lost
My position given up
Before it started
Who was my trader
The battle keeps going
I stand there
Sounds
Everyone moving around me
I don’t have this
Maybe I never did
That’s what I’m told right
Whispers under my breathe
I have to be fine
I just have to be
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