I want to tell you I am fine
Inside I am screaming
I have to pretend
Force my tears down
Every time I turn around
I feel the heat rising
My hand ball up
I stop myself
Just before my fist hits the wall
I scream loud with frustration
As a sound almost of roar
Maybe a growl escapes these lips
My vocals are sore
From pushing things down
Screaming so loud
I don’t want you to worry
I am fine
At least that’s what I keep saying
If I say it enough
Maybe I’ll just believe it
The hurt of the day
The overwhelming feeling floods me like a tsunami
Tries to wash me back out
My hands clawing at the powdery sand
I just scream some more
The feeling of being told
You are nobody
How that stings
Maybe I deserve that
Maybe I am just that
A nobody
For I am a girl with no name
At least that’s what I come to believe
I keep telling you I am fine
As I walk around this world
It spins around me
I stand in place
Time passing me by
I no longer have concept of such things
For it’s never standing still
I am fine I told you
Why don’t you believe me
Is it because my eyes glasses over
Maybe the redness in my cheeks
Is it caused I snapped at you
All the above tells you I am fine
My eyes are red
They look like glass
For those who see me
Know what is hiding
See the pain buried deep within
Maybe they’ll see I am not fine
If I say I am not
I have to buckle up
Move on
Believe other people
Look at the source
Stop letting them get to me
How can that happen
When your trained this way
I am fine
When the memories of a hand on my throat
Sirens blaring in my ears
That’s not what bothers me
No one cares to listen
Maybe I’m not worth hearing
For if I was
Maybe they’d see me
Hear me
When I joke about drinking poison
It’s just a thought I joke
I’ll never act
There goes my ideations again
Screaming from behind
Pounding on the glass
Wanting to escape
I am fine, right?
I have to be
No one cares if I am not
I am alone in this world
Fighting a battle I already lost
My position given up
Before it started
Who was my trader
The battle keeps going
I stand there
Sounds
Everyone moving around me
I don’t have this
Maybe I never did
That’s what I’m told right
Whispers under my breathe
I have to be fine
I just have to be
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