Why Do You Love Me

 Why do you love me?

I overthink

I try and trust you

I am hard on myself

Call myself names

I am not good enough

Not even for you 

I look at myself 

I want to trust

The memories flood me

Of those before you

Those who flirted and talked to girls

Made me feel not special

Showed me they didn’t care

All I want to do is trust you

Like I have for years before

Why do you love me

When you see my trust wants to wavier

My words can be hurtful

My fists hit your chest

Screaming at you internally

Because I don’t know what else to do

I try to breathe

When you look at me

For me to ask you again

Why do you love me

Why do you love me

When my brain races

I can’t make it stop

It tells me that I am ugly

I look like a guy

How do you see me as beautiful

I don’t see what you do

Why do you love me

When I look down and I see a plus size body

One I am disgusted at

I know there was too much food

I lost the battle that I should have won

I see the stretch marks that form around me

As if I lived this long life

It shows how much food I just ate

Why do you love me

When you see scars on my arms

The deep ones on my leg

How about my arms that are too faint to see

The hair that covers my chest

That shouldn’t be there

The baldness on top of my head

So many faults on my skin 

A battleground that stares you in the face

One I have kept losing over

Why do you love me

When I tell you I am not good enough 

I have failed you

I don’t matter

The depression flood my head once more

I don’t understand why

Why they are still here

More why your heart cries out to mine

Why do you still love me

I wish I knew

You probably have said

My brain and heart doesn’t hear it

Needing to keep reminding me

TIL the softness of your words seep in

Stay with me

Until I believe it