How Do I Tell Someone

 

***trigger warning.  Talks of suicide. Author is ok***

How do you tell someone

That you have a good-bye letter

One that is for them

Hidden deep on the web

For someone to find someday

Hopefully when you are gone

How do you tell someone

That you have had these thoughts

For far to long

That you needed to say I’m sorry

You could only say it in this letter

You are too ashamed to say it out loud

How do you tell someone

That they mean the world to you

Yet you are dying inside

You are losing this battle

That feels like suicide

Suicide of the mind

Body

Soul

How do you tell someone

That these ideations

Are taking over every minute

Every second 

It only gets stronger

You are worried if today is the last

You are not figuring out when is the best time

Knowing you will be alone for hours 

No one will know

Know when you commit the act

When they do, it will be too late

Honestly, do I really want to be found 

How do I tell someone

That if I die I know others will follow

That is more weight that is on my shoulders

I will be responsible for 

Ones I don’t want to bare

For those people I mean something

They are alive because I am

How do I tell someone

I am tired of living

Tired of this pain

Feeling I am never enough

I am not worth anything

Always needing to be better

I hear the tone of do better

You are failing 

Failing is all I am good at

Here I am wanting to die

I am thinking I failed you

I let you down

I am this burden

I hurt you and made you sad

The more I am alive the more I cause pain

All I ever do is cause pain

I wake up and I hurt someone

My words or tone hurt

My actions tend to speak louder

Those sting like a swarm of bees

Nothing to stop it

How do I tell someone

I am slowly dying inside

I want to cry

Feel nothing 

Because I am giving up 

I have no more fight left 

How do I tell someone

That I love them

I want what is best

If I am not here 

Then I can’t burden them anymore

How do I tell someone

They mean the world to me

They always have

My love for them

Never wavered 

Only the thoughts of myself

How do I tell them

My love is pure 

Like the first snowfall of the season

Or an innocent child

I am trying to tell someone

I feel alone

Yet I am surrounded by people

Yet, when I am with you

My mind calms down 

For just a brief moment

I can breathe

I know someone is fighting for me

Because I can’t fight no more