Am I Worth It

 Please tell me

Am I worth it

Worth to love

And get to know

Someone to talk to

Not get embarrassed of

Am I worth the emotions

Feelings that are built up

Deep within

That feels like a speeding train

Before it crashes

The pain in your chest

Is from caring too much

Not because of something negative 

Am I worth those long nights

Those endless smiles

Long phone calls

Texts that go all day

All you do is think of is the other person

Am I worth it

I feel like I am not

You want to lead me on

Say those right things

Tell me I’m pretty

Say you care

But am I worth it

All I get is answers that do not add up 

Change of subject

Put back on me

I guess I have my answer

I am not

Not worth all those good things

That I want to show you

Those endless nights

Long goodnights

For I am not worth it

I seems to never will be

Never Enough

Another letter went to you

Begging you to answer

What are we

I just need to know

Yet, you don’t want to answer

For whatever fear may come out of this

For me, I know what I want

Yet, you are too scared

I am sorry I fell for you

I wish I didn’t

If I didn’t I wouldn’t be here

Confused and wanting more

Something you can’t seem to provide

Instead you push me

Telling me to go

In your own way you want me to walk

To leave you 

This is the feeling I get

You push me to another

I scream at you

Wanting you to stop

To just love me

Like the way I want you to love me

Tell me to go

Date another

You do not want me

At least how I feel

Pushed to the side

Pretending I’m not there

The thoughts come racing

Knowing I’m not good enough

I’ll never be 

Nothing I saw will change 

You keep pushing me

Begging me to see others

I have your collar

I thought 

It doesn’t matter

Protection is what it is

Nothing to do with with love

Do you even love me

Are they just words 

Words to please me

You know I want to hear them

I am only good as a mistress

Nothing more

I am always replaceable 

Left to the side

Never enough

I am sorry

Sorry I loved you

Begged you for things

That are making you change your mind

Telling me I am putting a wedge between us

I am sorry I am your pain

I am your grief

Your heartache

I thought I was doing better

Instead

I am not enough

Never enough

Not Wanted

 Feeling pushed out the door

Not able to turn back

Hands slipping off the knob

Only to grip tighter

All I want to do is call your name

Somehow I feel you’re not there

Your words behind the door

The pain if flowing deep inside

This time is different 

As it seems

I’m no longer wanted

No longer loved

You telling me to go

Saying how I feel

As the door closes

A slight thud

As the door hit the frame 

Feeling so alone

Standing outside

Wishing I was back in

Those days are gone

I only fear

Nowhere to turn

Sliding down the door

Letting my hand fall 

Why

Why I am so undesirable

What did I do wrong

For someone to not want me

After all these years

Feeling all alone

When I felt so safe

Everything around me changed

I’m trying to survive