My Mind

 Written 6/28/2022

tapping of my fingers in the air 

as if I was playing a piano 

No music playing in my head

Yet, there is tapping

Both hands begin to tapping

Tap

Tap

Tap

The world looks at me

Wonders what am I doing

I have no clue I am doing it

My chest is tight

My mind is full

I pace back and forth

The tapping continues

I finally look down and twist my fingers

That doesn’t work

It just made it worse

My fingers are getting knitted

My breathing becomes faster

And I STOP

I look at my hands before the tap again

I look all around me

”Where is it” I say to myself

Looking for something

Anything 

To just put in my hands

To make it stop

Playing the piano 

Until I find it with music in my head

Just the noise and the static 

My head ready to pop

How much fuller can it get

How much more can I take?

I’m going to break, if I don’t stop

A sigh of relief 

I pick it up

Fiddle with it between my fingers

Focused on the item in hand

Tap

Tap 

Tapping

I start again

I hear tapping this time

It’s my feet

The movement traveled

Why won’t this stop

I play faster with the item in hand

Trying to calm a system

Trying not to fail

Everything begins to slow

The tapping lessens

breathing slows

My head not so full

I can breathe for a moment

I look up

Realize where I am at

I got this

I think