Not Okay

 I am not ok

Why do you think I am ok

Did you see what happened

Did you not hear what happened

I am not ok

 

She is laying there

Helpless and crying out

Her hand on her leg

Telling me she is in pain

 

What did I do

What did I do

I was angry

Frustrated

Irritated

What did I do

 

I shouldn’t have been there

I should have listened

I was so stubborn

I did not listen

Now she is laying there

 

She is laying on her side

Her hair done up

Her clothes all nice

Like she just got out of work

Here I am

What did I do

 

The words could not come

The words did not flow

What could I say

Nothing came out

 

I am not ok

I am so far from being ok

You stand there

Asking me about you

About us

 

Do you not see me

Do you not see the shock

Do you not see I can’t speak

Are you blind

 

I watch her

Watch her being carried away

I stand and I shake

I am crumbling

I am falling apart

I am not ok

 

You ask me again

Are we ok

We are NOT ok

I am NOT ok

I am SO NOT ok

Do you not see this

Do you not see me

 

Were you blind

Were you not in the car

Did you not seen what happened

Do you not see I am not ok

Do you not see me shaking

 

Of course you don’t

You can only see you

You only see your needs

You only see what you want

 

I am not ok

I am not ok

I will be ok someday

Someday can not come

Fast enough for me

 

Written: 2018