The First Time

 I lay there curled up in a ball

holding myself so tight

letting the tears stream down

feeling my body shake

 

do not make me talk

for I do not have the words

I don’t even know if I can

tell you what you want to hear

 

I see the visions play

over and over again

that day you hurt me

the day I stopped

 

the first time I felt broke

the first time I learned to hate

the first time I became scared

that you will come again

 

you watched me for so long

wondering what you would do

you were feeling something

when you touched me that day

 

what were you thinking

that it would be ok

did you honestly think

I would let you do that

 

just leave me alone

stop playing in my head

I think I can

finally let you 

Written: 2018