You Are Safe

 i feel every breathe

analyzing every movement of my chest

i feel each breath go in

each breath go out

 

my chest begins to tighten

my breathing becomes shorter

faster

as the pain in my chest grows

 

i begin to shake

i begin to rock

i see all of you

i see your hands

reaching for me

touching me

 

i continue to rock

your hands on me feel so real

i can see your eyes

 

i look around to see where i am at

i see the place where you damaged me

where my life changed

 

you tell me i am safe

i am ok

but i don’t believe you

you hurt me

how can i believe you

 

will you look at me damn it

as you grab my face

you are safe

you tell me again

i don’t believe you

 

i fight you

i push you

i try to kick you

you pin me down

 

YOU ARE SAFE

COME BACK TO ME

LOOK AT ME

 

i look at you

i keep fighting

you hurt me once

you hurt me twice

you are a new person

 

GOD PLEASE HELP ME

let me go i shout in my head

my body is shutting down

i can no longer speak

 

i keep fighting you

you keep pinning me

 

OPEN YOUR EYES

LOOK AT ME

YOU.ARE.SAFE.

YOU.ARE.O.K.

 

i look at you one last time

my breathing slows

i try to focus as my fighting slows

i see you

you are safe

 

i have shut down

i am unable to speak

your touch is now comforting

for i know where i am

 

i am gone

i am shut down

i want to close my eyes

i want to sleep with the lights on

 

you make me turn them off

you hold me tight.

you whisper in my ear

you are safe

you are safe

Written: 2018