Trying Not to Push

 How do you not push away someone you have known for so long 

Tell them that you are fine

Not to worry about you

When you are waiting for your world to crumble

Trying to hold onto what little hope that’s left

Breathing along the way

How do you not push

Scream and yell

Throw things at them

Tell them that they never cared

Watch words spew out of your mouth

Like an out of control fire

Flames that looking for their target

To burn

To destroy

Your heart is breaking

For something that may not come 

All you have known is to prepare

Prepare for the worst

Look for that shoe to drop

Pray that it is not slammed down

You have lost all hope

Praying that today isn’t the last

Am I

Was I

Worth it

Was I truly worth it to him

Where he loved me

Unconditionally 

Yet I want to question 

Start to question it all

Pull back

Why do I keep pouring out my heart

When he is just going to leave

I just don’t know when

How

My body is screaming

Grabbing where I can

Praying the best case

Preparing for the worst